It’s been one week now since I nestled into opa’s en oma’s summerhouse: the Pondok. The starting point of my travels, my first destination. My emotions have been a rollercoaster. Now that I’ve quit my job and stepped away from my social life, I feel myself squirming. Yes, squirming. The word feels fitting.
Some days I feel so drained of energy that I simply lie on the couch all day. Other days, I feel immense peace and trust that the universe will unfold exactly as it should. And then there are days when I struggle, doubt, overthink.
If there’s a red thread weaving through my days here, it’s this: I cry. A lot. Tears for freedom, rest, sadness, loneliness, peace, happiness, emptiness.Having my mom and her partner Gerrit as basically therapists on speed dial intensifies this process. Sometimes I find it so damn difficult that I can’t even make a decision about my where I want to travel to. Even though, deep down, I know resting at the Pondok is crucial step. One that will set the sails for the direction my ship is headed. And I have all the faith and confidence that the wind will pick up at the right time. It’s just… pffff.
This week, I realized why I want to travel and what kind of impact I want to have. It’s simple: love. There is so much love on this planet—and within myself. I want to experience the fullest form of it and share it with the world. Which, by the way, also brought me to the tears of today and yesterday. I recognized: I can love myself so much more. There is still so much depth to touch upon. It’s all there. I just need to invite myself to be vulnerable—to fully embrace it—and then let my light shine.
With love,
